A Door of Hope Trauma-Informed
Peer Facilitator Training Community
Because life is always... always... always just ahead
The beautiful thing about learning is no one can take it away from you!
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RECOMMENDED RESOURCE DISCLAIMER:
The ADOH resource content it is not intended to replace professional support, nor a substitute for your own research. For a comprehensive list of professionals in the field of sexual addiction/problematic sexual behaviors or betrayal trauma:
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) Therapist/Coaches
International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals (IITAP) CSAT Certified Sex Addiction Therapist)
International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals (IITAP) PSAP®) Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional
APSATS and IITAP provide excellent training with a trauma approach in the field of partner betrayal and sexual addiction.
Please note that by referencing or recommending all or parts of these helping professionals, books, websites, podcasts or articles, ADOH does not necessarily agree with, or endorse the resource in its entirety, nor unreservedly recommend their/its use by ADOH Peer Facilitators.
The importance of resources
Searching to understand, to make sense of our experience or to find help for her spouse is characteristic for most partners. As partners, we’re seeking what we seemingly cannot find – safety for our bodies, minds, emotions, and souls. After a discovery or disclosure, we often not only feel overwhelmed, we simultaneously need to know that what we are discovering is truth, easily ‘digested’ and something we can put into practice in the dailiness of our lives.
Providing an up-to-date resource section on a website is on a never-quite accomplished to do list. In addition to staying informed myself, I solicit recommendations from trusted colleagues. I also listen to end-users – those who’ve found a particular resource – whether that resource is a clinician, therapist, coach, organization, church or ministry.
What I’ve discovered along the way is that it takes a community of wounded healers to walk alongside those on the long recovery road of sexual addiction/ brokenness or while moving forward while healing from sexual betrayal.
And, the field of understand traumaing and best practices in trauma recovery continues growing.
The partner journey
Ah, packing a backpack and suitcase is always one of my least favorite tasks when heading out on a journey. And in 2004, traveling overseas was a new adventure for me, so before heading to South Africa for a two- week ministry trip I asked questions. A lot of them. Avoiding extra costs for overweight luggage or oversized carry-ons while also bringing what I would need during our two-week stay required making multiple decisions. From travel experts, the medical community, our airline and contacts in South Africa, and others traveling with me. Based on our conversations, I added items to and removed items from my suitcase before heading to the airport.
While there were a few glitches during our journey, being informed prepared me to successfully navigate each one. I knew my resources, among them those traveling with me.
Partners betrayal stories and recovery pathways hold similarities and differences based on a wide range of variables. Our hope is through the range of resources included on this page you’ll find a resource that can help you navigate your journey…
About the coaches… these are amazing women, all well-trained and experienced in helping partners move forward in their recovery journeys. Click on the names, get to see their particular areas of expertise, feel free to reach out and contact them.
About the websites and podcasts… a range of areas each in one way or another relevant for partners, those struggling with problematic sexual behaviors/sexual addiction, or trauma.
About the books… similar to the websites and podcasts, each book has been recommended as helpful in moving toward becoming emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy from a trauma-informed approach.
Becoming informed… if you are unfamiliar with the betrayal trauma recovery journey perhaps the video and podcast can help you identify something to add to… or remove from … your own recovery journey - one that that takes us through three stages of trauma recovery. This podcast below, and the video following, can offer some insights into the journey ahead.
A podcast bringing clarity to betrayal trauma recovery stages: The 3 Stages of Betrayal Trauma Recovery Fight for Love w/Rosie McKinney Podcast with APSATS counselor Lisa Taylor Professional clinical counselor (NZCCA), Certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Specialist (C-SASI), Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (APSATS), blogger, and Beyond Betrayal author.
Putting Together the "Plan" After Betrayal, with Tiffany Comiskey and Dr. Jake Porter
“When someone is suffering from Betrayal Trauma, they are typically frightened, angry, confused, sometimes frozen in a state of shock wanting to just feel safe. So safety and stabilization is the immediate mission with a betrayed partner.
Ah, the blessings of doing this together with other wounded healers!
I hold great respect and deep gratitude for those who invest both financially and with their time not just becoming trained, certified or licensed to serve others as therapists, clinicians, or coaches, but in meeting the ongoing educational requirements in doing so. Feeling confident when referring someone to a trusted colleague brings me relief on a daily basis.
I also hold equal respect and gratitude for clergy/pastors and lay-leaders (including small group leaders) who intentionally seek understanding and training to better care for those who need safe places where they can experience authentic recovery or betrayal trauma healing. Sadly, we still way-too-often hear heartbreaking accounts of deep woundings received during conversations with pastors/ministers or other church leaders by either the ones struggling with sexual brokenness or the betrayed partners.
As I become informed of churches, ministries or faith-based organizations providing safe communities (in person or virtual) where people recovering and healing, we will list them here. Do you have a report about in-person trauma-informed groups in your church or local community? I'd love to hear your story. You can contact me via email: donna@lifeisahead.com
Individual and/or group-led partner coaching
While those included below are known or are recommended by respected colleagues, please understand it is your responsibility to determine if a provider or other resource is appropriate for your needs. They are included to help you move forward in understanding your experience, essential steps in your recovery journey and the renewed hope, personal growth, and strength you'll gain as you heal. About the coaches… these are amazing women, all well-trained and experienced in helping partners move forward in their recovery journeys. Click on the names, get to see their particular areas of expertise, feel free to reach out and contact them.
Casey Allison Come Awake Coach
Judy Alvarado Invisible Hurts Life Coaching
Cindy Bajema Cora Haven Coaching and Consulting
Pam Blizzard Recovered Peace
Jen Cole Binkley Dawning Hearts
Sandy Botemo Gateway of Hope Coaching
Colette Bowers Champion of Coaching
Mary Ellen Brown Passionate Hearts
Tera Stroud Brown Coach Tera
Lyschel Burket Hope Redefined
Bonny Lodgson Burns Strong Wives
Kristin Cary Living Truth
Jackie Chambers Redemptive Journey
Laura Walker Chambers Empowering Victory
Karen Crawford Restored Heart Coaching
Esther Elmer True North Coaching
Jacki Elsom Jacki Grace Coaching
Debbie Ferree Living in the Light
Rae Gaelyn Emerson, Healing Talks Back
Catherine Etherington CPC Full Circle Coaching
Jane Gibb Quiet Wisdom
Patricia Goldbourne UR Essence
Terri Grier Deep Waters Life Coach
Laurie Hall, CPC, After An Affair of the Mind
Kathy Hardy. Kathy Hardy Coaching
Andrea Harris, Fully Alive Coaching
Fran Hopwood Holding Hope
Janae Ledbetter The Path At Hand
Tamara Litchfield Becoming Shatterproof
Ellia Marcum Mood Well Coaching
Cheryl McDonald Relationships Made Whole
Sarah Morales Sarah Morales Coaching
Resources related to domestic abuse/intimate partner violence (IPV) Check the resource pages!
Crisis Text Line (Text HOME to 741741 connect with a Crisis Counselor)
Shawna Mickartz Meek, Living Stones Coaching
Jean Mudry Jm Life Coaching
Rebecca Orms Broken and Beloved Coaching
Deanna Pagan Safe Haven Coaching
Dani Peterson Dani M Peterson
Kim Petroni CoachingHope4U
Melissa Raj Pierce the Sky Coaching
Karen Rellos, Redeeming Love
Kathy Reynolds Recalibrate Coaching
Connie Spiegel CPC, Reconciled Relationships
Karla Summey Coaching
Julie St. Onge New England Coaching Services
Jo Vanetta Betrayal Undone
Resources related to mental health: Includes support, groups, training
Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries
Male partners (Books)
A Man's Tool for Addressing Betrayal, Sibyelle Georgianna
The Betrayed Husband’s Survival Guide, Gary Owens
Support
Male betrayed partner group through ISA (Infidelity Survivors Anonymous)
About the websites and podcasts… a range of areas each in one way or another relevant for partners, those struggling with problematic sexual behaviors/sexual addiction, relationships, or trauma.
Online SA/PSB, betrayed partner, relationships or church (Click for link)
Abundant Life Counseling/Coaching
Bethesda Workshops
Online SA/PSB, betrayed partner, relationships or church
(Click for link)
Betrayal Trauma to Healing and Joy
C-CASI - Christian Sex Addiction Specialists InternationalCasey Allison Come Awake Coach Non-Offending Partners
Christian Counseling for Sexual Health and Trauma
Christian Trauma Healing Network
Online SA/PSB betrayed partner, relationships or church
Leslie Vernick Relationship Truth
Naked Truth Wholehearted (Partners)
National Center on Sexual Exploitation
Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center
Podcasts
Aundi Kolber (Christian trauma therapist)
Bare Marriage Sheila Gregoire
Being Known Curt Thompson
Betrayal Recovery APSATS Dr. Jake Porter
Embodied Faith Community Geoff Holsclaw, PHd & Cyd Holsclaw
Fight for Love Ministries Rosie McKinney
Help Her Heal (Help the Church Respond to Women in Crisis)
Hope for Wives Pam Blizzard, Bonny Burns, Lyschel Burket
Living Truth Kristin & Michael Cary
Redemptive Living Jason and Shelley Martinkus
Relationship Truth: Unfiltered Leslie Vernick
Samson Society Pirate Monks, Nate Larkin
SA/PSB and trauma-informed for clergy and church and ministry leaders
The Trauma-informed Pastor
Naked Truth Project Church Programme
Fight Porn in Your Church, free e-book, Covenant Eyes
12 Principles for Pastors, free PDF booklet, Redemptive Living
Internet Filters
Relativity, Rating Internet Filtering and Accountability Softwares for Use by Recovering Sex Addicts
Online Youth/Children
Common Sense Media
Culture Reframed
Defend Young Minds
Educate Empower Kids
Enough is Enough
SexReclaimED (Trust worthy curriculum)
What Should I Do When I See Pornography
Children/Youth Books
Get Lost: Your Guide to True Love, Dannah Gresh
Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, Kristen A. Jenson and Gail Poyner
Growing Up by the Book, (ages 10–14) Patricia Weerakoon
Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, Barb Winters
Teen Sex by the Book (ages 14+), Patricia Weerakoon
Where’s What on my Phone? (How God’s Good Gifts Beats Porn), Lisa Taylor
Who Moved the Goal Post?, Bob and Dannah Gresh
Who's Going to Help Me? Supporting Your Child After a A Family Disclosure, Casey M Allison
Books
My own reading journey, feedback from colleagues, as well as those who become part of the ADOH community, help inform what to include on the resource page. We also welcome your suggestions. Email donna@lifeisahead.com
Peer Facilitators
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201 Great Questions Jerry D Jones
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A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss, Jerry L. Sittser
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A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis
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A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching out to God in the Lost Language of Lament, Michael Card
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Anatomy of the Soul (Surprising connections between neuroscience and spiritual practices that can transform your life and relationships), Curt Thompson, M.D.
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Broken Trust: A Practical Guide to Identify and Recover From Toxic Faith, Toxic Church, and Spiritual Abuse, Fr. Remy Deiderich
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Changes That Heal (Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You), Dr. Henry Cloud (Accompanying workbook)
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Christian Caregiving (A Way of Life), Kenneth C Haugk
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Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering, Kenneth Haugk
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Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Pete Scazzero
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Finding the Flow (A Guide for Leading Small Groups and Gatherings) 2nd edition, Tara Miller and Jenn Peppers
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Healing Spiritual Wounds (Reconnecting with a Loving God After Experiencing A Hurtful Church), Carol Howard Merritt
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In His Grace, Embracing Your Worth After Sexual Betrayal, Debra Wallace
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In Our Lives First (Meditations for Counselors) Diane Langberg, PhD.
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In the House of the Lord: Inhabiting the Psalms of Lament, Michael Jenkins
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Lament for a Son, Nicholas Wolterstorff
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Leading Peer Support and Self-Help Groups, A Pocket Resource for Peer Specialists and Support Group Facilitators, Charles Drebing, PhD
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Life Coaching Questions (A Coaching Tool), Phyllis Reardon, MEd
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More than You Can Handle, Nate Pyle
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Psalms of Lament, Ann Weems
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Rejoicing in Lament: Wrestling with Incurable Cancer and Life in Christ, Todd Billings
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Speaking the Truth in Love (How to Be an Assertive Christian), Ruth N Koch & Kenneth C Haugk
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Redeeming Power Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church, Diane Langberg
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The Complete Book of Questions 1001 Conversation Starts for Any Occasion Garry Poole
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Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, Alan D. Wolfelt
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The Critical Journey (Stages in the Life of Faith) 2nd Edition Janet O Hagberg, Robert A Guelich
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The Road Back to You: An Enneagram, Morgan Cron and Suzzane Stabilie
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The Wounded Healer, Henri J. M. Nouwen
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Tips & Tools for the Art of Experiential Group Facilitation, 2nd Edition, Jennifer Stanchfield
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Trauma-Informed Pastoral Care: How to Respond When Things Fall Apart, Karen A McClintok
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Unattended Sorrow, Stephen Levine
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Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, Timothy Keller
A significant shift is happening with the Christian community we we continue growing in our understanding of trauma, it's multidimensional impact, and the importance of developing a trauma-informed approach in walking alongside each other. At the same time, on a grass-roots level, those in authentic sexual addiction recovery and betrayed partners active in their healing journey are speaking out and sharing their stories within AND without their church walls. In doing so, we become part of Christ’s ongoing Spirit-breathed kingdom work.
The following books are among those recommended by ADOH alumni, colleagues in the field of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma journey and recovery as well as in related fields connected to becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy, journeys through grief and loss, building healthy relationships, neuroscience and trauma.
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101 Freedom Exercises, Doug Weiss
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A Light in the Dark, The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts, Kenneth M Adams, PhD, Mary E Meyer, PhD, LMFT, Lulle Garde, LCSW, Stephanie Carnes
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A Man's Tool for Betrayal, Sibyelle Georgianna
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Aftermath of Betrayal, Michelle Mays
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After the Affair, Janis Abrahms Spring
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An Affair of the Mind, Laurie Hall
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Ashamed No More, Dr. T.C. Ryan
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Beyond Betrayal: How God is Healing Women (and couples) from Infidelity, Lisa Taylor
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Beyond Boundaries (Learning to Trust Again in Relationships), Dr. John Townsend
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Blind to Betrayal Why we Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled, Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell
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Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus, Russell Willingham
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Boundaries in Marriage, Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
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Building True Intimacy: Creating A Connection That Stands The Test of Time, Dan Drake, Joanna Raabsmith, Matthew Raabsmith
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Confronting Porn, Paula Hall
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Couples Guide to Intimacy, Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw
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Created for Connection: The "Hold Me Tight" Guide for Christian Couples, Sue Johnson
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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené Brown
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Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities, David Instone-Brewer
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Facing Heartbreak (Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts), Stefanie Carnes, Maria Lee, Anthony Rodriguez
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Forgetting Your Past, Bob Gass
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From Betrayal Trauma to Healing & Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sex Addicts, Marsha Means
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Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal: Volume 1: How Disclosure Can Help You Heal, Janice Caudill, Dan Drake
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Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction: The Road to Recovery Goes Through Your Childhood Dr. Eddie Capparucci
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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes - by Lysa TerKeurst
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Grace-Based Recovery (A Safe Place to Heal and Grow) Jonathan Daugherty
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Healthy Boundaries: Learning to Understand and Keep Boundaries after Betrayal, Dan Drake, Katie Sanford, Julia Alperovich, Eric Anderson
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How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal Dan Drake and Janice Caudill
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Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook for Sex Addicts to Help their Partners Heal, Carol Jurgensen Sheets
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Help. Them. Heal: Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal, Carol Jurgensen Sheets
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Hiding from Love (How to Change the Withdrawal Patterns That Isolate and Imprison You), Dr. John Townsend
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Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson
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How Not to Be an *SS: Essays on Becoming a Good & Safe Man, Andrew J. Bauman
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How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful, Linda J MacDonald
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How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage, Milan Yerkovich and Kay Yerkovich
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Is It Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims Darby Strickland
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Keep Walking (40 days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal), Lynn Marie Cherry
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Intimacy Anorexia: The Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage, Doug Weiss
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Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Sheri Keffer
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Intimate Treason (Healing the Trauma for Partners Confronting Sex Addiction), Claudia Black, Cara Tripodi
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Life After Lust (Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery), Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP
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Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment, Steven Stosny, PhD.
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Love Sense, Dr. Sue Johnson
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Love Talk Starters (275 questions to Get Your Conversations Going), Les & Leslie Parrot
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Loving People: How to Love and Be Loved, Dr. John Townsend
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Married and Alone, Doug Weiss
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Moving Beyond Betrayal (The 5 Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts), Vicki Tidwell Palmer
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Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud
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No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction, Marnie Ferree
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NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, Shirley Glass
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On Purpose: Understanding God's Freedom for Women Through Scripture, Julie Zine Coleman
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Out of the Shadows (Understanding Sexual Addiction), Patrick Carnes
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Pure Desire, Ted Roberts and Steve Arterburn
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Pure Sex: The Spirituality of Desire, Gordon Dalbey
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Redeemed Sexuality (Healing and Transformation in Community), Andrew A Boa
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Rescued, A Woman's Guide to Surviving and Thriving After Sexual Betrayal, Shelley Martinkus
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Restored: A Woman's Guide to Overcoming Pornography, Alice Taylor
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Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't, Henry Cloud, John Townsend
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Sex Addiction 101, Rob Weiss
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Sexuality (God’s Design and Why it Matters), Dr. Juli Slattery
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Safe People: How to Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t, Henry, Cloud and John Townsend
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Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood, Nate Larkin
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Seven Pillars of Freedom Workbook, Dr. Ted Roberts
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Sex Addiction: The Partner’s Perspective: A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Surviving Sex Addiction and Those Who Want to Help Them, Paula Hall
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Surfing for God (Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle), Michael John Cusick
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Sons of the Father, Gordon Dalbey
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Starting Over (Meditations for Divorced Women), Ellen Sue Stern
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Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners, Milton Magness
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Surviving Disclosure: A Partner’s Guide for Healing the Betrayal of Intimate Trust, Jennifer P Schneider and Deborah Corley
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The Abandonment Recovery Workbook, Susan Anderson
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The Best Sex for Life, Patricia Weerakoon
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The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
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The Couple's Guide to Intimacy: How Sexual Reintegration Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Heal, Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw,
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The Dance of Anger: A Women's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, Harriet Lerner
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The Five Love Languages (How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate), Gary Chapman
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The Gaslight Effect, Robin Stern
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The Gift of Sex, Clifford and Joyce Penner
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The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended, Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach
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The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Control and Violence in the Home, Chris Moles
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The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages that Accompany the Loss of Love, Susan Anderson
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The Life-Saving Divorce, Gretchen Baskerville
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide, John Gottman, Jan Silver
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The Secret Sexual Basement: The Traumatic Impacts of Deceptive Sexuality on the Intimate Partner and Relationship, Omar Minwalla
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The Sexually Healthy Man: Essays on Spirituality, Sexuality, & Restoration, Andrew J. Bauman
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The Sexually Healthy Woman: Essays on Spirituality, Embodiment, & Femininity, Christy Angelle Bauman PhD .
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The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves, Curt Thompson, M.D.
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To Be Told: Know Your Story, Shape Your Future, Dan B. Allender
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Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery, Dr. Kevin Skinner
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Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal (The Essential Tools for Healing), Dr. Kevin Skinner
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Unleashing Your Power: Moving Through the Trauma of Partner Betrayal, Carol Jurgensen Sheets
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Unraveled (workbook) For Women Who struggle With Love, Sex, Porn, and Relationship Addictions
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Unwanted, How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, Jay Stringer
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Using Boundaries Using to Find Peace for Every Part of You, Casey M Allison
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Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, Peter A. Levine
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When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse, Chuck DeGroat
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When Sorry Isn’t Enough, Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas
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When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography, After the Shock – Moving from Despair to Healing and Hope, Vickie Tiede
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Who’s Pushing Your Buttons? Handling the Difficult People in Your Life, Dr. John Townsend
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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft
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Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, Dr. William Struthers
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Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, Stan Tatkin
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Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back ,Jason B. Martinkus
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Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, Dr. Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means